Koan and the Meaning of What is the sound of one hand clapping?

What is the sound of 1 hand clapping? (Source)

I've always been fascinated by anything Japanese so my recent read is a book on the Japanese culture called "A Geek in Japan:  Discovering the Land of Manga, Anime, Zen, and the Tea Ceremony" by Hector Garcia.

The book has a bit of everything - from history, entertainment, food, art to traditions, music, religion, pop culture, etc.  But for this post, I wanted to share with you about Koan.

The book defines Koan as brief stories in the the form of riddles or fables that Zen teachers use to teach lessons to their students. According to Zen doctrine, the nature of Zen can’t be taught with words, and therefore it is the student who must teach himself.

If you have ever heard of the puzzling question “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” - that's probably one of the most popular koan.

Each person could have a different answer for that question as a koan is meant for self-reflection.  Check out some interesting answers I found online on the riddle - What is the sound of one hand clapping?:
- it's the sound of silence
- the question should be what is the sound of one hand not clapping?
- answer it with an action e.g. trying to clap with one hand against an invisible hand
- whoosh
- clap with one hand  by tapping your fingers against your palm - it's still the sound of a regular clap  but fainter in sound

Amazing how each person could have different creative answers, right?

Koan brings us to a state of perplexity triggering our brain to start thinking in a nonlogical way.   When our thoughts become confused, according to Eastern philosophies, we are better able to advance toward enlightenment.

I researched other popular koan and here you go for some brain exercise. 😅

1. What is your original face before you were born?

2. When the many are reduced to one, to what is the one reduced?

3.  BASO said to a monk, “If I see you have a staff, I will give it to 
you. If I see you have no staff, I will take it away from you.

4.  As the roof was leaking, a zen Master told two monks to bring something to catch the water. One brought a tub, the other a basket. The first was severely reprimanded, the second highly praised.

5. The Surangama scripture says, "When I do not see, why do you not see my not seeing? If you see my not seeing, naturally that is not the characteristic of not seeing. If you don't see my not seeing, it is naturally not a thing-how could it not be you? "

6. Two monks were arguing about the temple flag waving in the wind.
One said, “The flag moves.”
The other said, “The wind moves.”
They argued back and forth but could not agree.
Hui-neng, the sixth patriarch, said: “Gentlemen! It is not the flag that moves. It is not the wind that moves. It is your mind that moves.”

7. Goso said, "When you meet a man of the Way on the path, do not meet him with words or in silence. Tell me, how will you meet him?"

8. Goso said, "A buffalo passes by the window. His head, horns, and four legs all go past. But why can't the tail pass too?"

Happy contemplating! 😅  

What is the meaning of life (according to Adlerian psychology)

Source

"The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga tackles about the principles of Adlerian psychology developed by Alfred Adler (1870-1937).   The principles are explained via a dialogue between a philosopher and a youth.

One of the most thought-provoking conversations between the philosopher and youth is about the meaning of life.  The philosopher shared with the youth that during Adler's time when people asked him about the meaning of life and what are people living for, his answer was “Life in general has no meaning.”

😲😱

Shocking, right?

But wait, before you pre-judge or conclude anything, here is the philosopher's explanation on why in the Adlerian perspective, life is meaningless:

PHILOSOPHER: The world in which we live is constantly beset by all manner of horrendous events, and we exist with the ravages of war and natural disasters all around us. When confronted by the fact of children dying in the turmoil of war, there is no way one can go on about the meaning of life. In other words, there is no meaning in using generalizations to talk about life.

But being confronted by such incomprehensible tragedies without taking any action is tantamount to affirming them. Regardless of the circumstances, we must take some form of action. We must stand up to Kant’s “inclination.”  (I quickly googled what is Kant's inclination and it pertains to moral worth.)

YOUTH: Yes!

PHILOSOPHER: Now, suppose one experiences a major natural disaster, and one’s response is to look back at the past in an etiological manner and say, “What could have caused such a thing to happen?” How meaningful would that be? An experience of hardship should be an opportunity to look ahead and think, What can I do from now on?

And Adler, having stated that “life in general has no meaning,” then continues, “Whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual.”

As an example, the philosopher shared the story of his grandfather who was firebombed during the war.  His grandfather's face was severely burned. In every way, he said it was a horrendous and inhumane event.  The Philosopher continued -

It would certainly have been within the realm of possibility for him to choose a lifestyle with the perspective of “the world is a horrible place” or “people are my enemies.” However, when my grandfather rode the train on visits to the hospital, there were always other passengers who would give up their seats for him. This is something I heard about through my mother, so I do not know how he actually felt. But this is what I believe: My grandfather chose a lifestyle with the perspective of “People are my comrades, and the world is a wonderful place.” That is exactly what Adler is pointing to when he says whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual. So life in general has no meaning whatsoever. But you can assign meaning to that life. And you are the only one who can assign meaning to your life.

This is so true coz come to think of it, we have a lot of inspiring stories of people who embraced their conditions and achieved amazing things like -

Stevie Wonder - who was born blind
Helen Keller - who became deaf and blind at age 2
Frida Kahlo - who contracted polio at age 6 and had an accident when she was a teenager and never fully healed
Stephen Hawking - who was diagnosed with ALS at age 21
Beethoven - who became deaf at age 30
President Franklin Roosevelt - who contracted polio and became paralyzed from waist down at age 39
...and a lot of athletes who have physical disabilities and yet still won in competitions, races and bagged world titles. 👏👏👏

The key takeaway from the Philosopher from this conversation is:  If "you" can change, the world will change.  Or simply put - the world can be changed by only you and no one else will change it for you.

I hope the wisdom from this book will rub off on me.  😅

Life is not linear but a series of small dots or moments

Life is not linear but a series of dots. (Source)

The book "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga tries to present the principles of Adlerian psychology developed by Alfred Adler (1870-1937) via a dialogue between a Japanese philosopher and a youth.  The youth's main objective is to debunk the teachings of the philosopher.

One topic the youth raised was about having lofty goals in life because he didn't want to accept the philosopher's teaching that you should possess the courage to be normal.  But by "normal", the philosopher qualified that it doesn't mean you're "incapable".   Being normal may mean you're capable but you don't have to flaunt your superiority, he explained. 

But still, the youth could not accept that one makes a deliberate choice to be normal.  He doesn't think that great men like Napoleon, or Einstein or Martin Luther King accepted being "normal" and more than likely, he said they carried a torch of a great ideal or objective. 

This what transpired in their conversation:

PHILOSOPHER: ....When you speak of lofty goals, I am guessing that you have an image of something like a mountain climber aiming for the top. 

YOUTH: Yes, that’s right. People, myself included, aim for the top of the mountain. 

PHILOSOPHER: ... But if life were climbing a mountain in order to reach the top, then the greater part of life would end up being “en route.” That is to say, one’s “real life” would begin with one’s trek on the mountainside, and the distance one has traveled up until that point would be a “tentative life” led by a “tentative me” ....

Now, suppose you didn’t make it to the mountaintop, what would that mean for your life? With accidents and diseases and the like, people don’t always make it all the way, and mountain climbing itself is fraught with pitfalls and often ends in failure. So one’s life would be interrupted “en route,” with just this “tentative me” leading a “tentative life.” What kind of life would that be?

People who think of life as being like climbing a mountain are treating their own existences as lines.... Do not treat it as a line. Think of life as a series of dots. If you look through a magnifying glass at a solid line drawn with chalk, you will discover that what you thought was a line is actually a series of small dots. Seemingly linear existence is actually a series of dots; in other words, life is a series of moments ....

It is a series of moments called “now.” We can live only in the here and now. Our lives exist only in moments...

The philosopher further expounded -

Think of it this way: Life is a series of moments, which one lives as if one were dancing, right now, around and around each passing instant. And when one happens to survey one’s surroundings, one realizes, I guess I’ve made it this far. Among those who have danced the dance of the violin, there are people who stay the course and become professional musicians. Among those who have danced the dance of the bar examination, there are people who become lawyers. There are people who have danced the dance of writing and become authors. Of course, it also happens that people end up in entirely different places. But none of these lives came to an end “en route.” It is enough if one finds fulfillment in the here and now one is dancing.

The youth then clarified -

YOUTH: It’s enough if one can dance in the now? 

PHILOSOPHER: Yes. With dance, it is the dancing itself that is the goal, and no one is concerned with arriving somewhere by doing it. Naturally, it may happen that one arrives somewhere as a result of having danced. Since one is dancing, one does not stay in the same place. But there is no destination.

What kind of goal is the act of going on a journey? Suppose you are going on a journey to Egypt. Would you try to arrive at the Great Pyramid of Giza as efficiently and quickly as possible, and then head straight back home by the shortest route? One would not call that a “journey.” You should be on a journey the moment you step outside your home, and all the moments on the way to your destination should be a journey. Of course, there might be circumstances that prevent you from making it to the pyramid, but that does not mean you didn’t go on a journey. This is “energeial life.”

If the goal of climbing a mountain were to get to the top, that would be a kinetic act. To take it to the extreme, it wouldn’t matter if you went to the mountaintop in a helicopter, stayed there for five minutes or so, and then headed back in the helicopter again. Of course, if you didn’t make it to the mountaintop, that would mean the mountain-climbing expedition was a failure. However, if the goal is mountain climbing itself, and not just getting to the top, one could say it is energeial. In this case, in the end it doesn’t matter whether one makes it to the mountaintop or not.

Wow, that is super loaded and intense!   🤔💡👊
I like the last line - in the end it doesn’t matter whether one makes it to the mountaintop or not. I don't have any mountaintop to climb in the first place.  The book had me at "have the courage to be normal."  😂😂😂

The philosopher further explains why life is not linear. It only becomes linear when one adopts the Freudian etiology viewpoint where one sees life as one big story based on cause and effect.  One's life is influenced by where and when one was born, his/her childhood, his/her education, his/her employer. And all of these factors would influence what one is and what he/she becomes.

The philosopher points out that the problem with this mindset is one will try to lead a life that is in line with the story and the person may find himself saying “My life is such-and-such, so I have no choice but to live this way, and it’s not because of me—it’s my past, it’s the environment,” and so on.

Bringing up the past is life-lie, an excuse, the philosopher explains, because one can change based on one’s own volition. The life that lies ahead of us is not a straight line, he says, but a completely blank page. There is no storyline that one is expected to follow coz one can create his/her own story.

Here's where the dialogue gets more interesting.  The youth asked -

YOUTH:  But I don’t have any dreams or objectives in my life. I don’t know what dance to do. My here and now is nothing but utterly useless moments.  (Sounds so familiar! Ahem..ahem..😂😂😂 I do have goals but they are not lofty goals.  And I do have dreams but they are not the usual big dreams people publicly share that's why I don't openly share them.😂 )

PHILOSOPHER: Not having objectives or the like is fine. Living earnestly here and now is itself a dance. One must not get too serious. Please do not confuse being earnest with being too serious...

Life is always simple, not something that one needs to get too serious about. If one is living each moment earnestly, there is no need to get too serious. And there is another thing I would like you to keep in mind: When one has adopted an energeial viewpoint, life is always complete.

If your life, or mine, for that matter, were to come to an end here and now, it would not do to refer to either of them as unhappy. The life that ends at the age of twenty and the life that ends at ninety are both complete lives, and lives of happiness.

I especially love the last line - The life that ends at the age of twenty and the life that ends at ninety are both complete lives.  Beautifully said! 🙌🙌

To cap it all, the philosopher said, "One lives each complete moment like a dance... one doesn't have to compete with anyone and has no use for destinations. As long as you are dancing, you will get somewhere."  🙌

The only competition in life is competition with yourself

One principle tackled in "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, a book on Adlerian psychology, is the pursuit of superiority.

Usually when you say "superiority",  it refers to a tendency or desire to be superior to other people.  It also connotes being competitive. The authors likened it to the image of someone ascending a stairway and this someone is pushing people out of the way to get to the top.

Adlerian psychology does not uphold such attitudes. Rather, Alfred Adler advocated that on the same level playing field, there are people who are moving forward, and there are people who are moving forward behind them.

Everyone is walking equally in the same flat place. (Source)

The book further explains -

Though the distance covered and the speed of walking differ, everyone is walking equally in the same flat place. The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet, not the mind-set of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people. 

In short, life is not a competition with other people and there is no need to compare oneself with others.  It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone.  

A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self... 

The danger with worldly competition (those preoccupied with winning and losing) is even if you’re not a loser, even if you’re someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself in competition, you will never have a moment’s peace. You don’t want to be a loser. And you always have to keep on winning if you don’t want to be a loser. You can’t trust other people. The reason so many people don’t really feel happy while they’re building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition.... 

The book further explains a downside of being competitive with others -

You think of interpersonal relationships as competition; you perceive other people’s happiness as “my defeat,” and that is why you can’t celebrate it. However, once one is released from the schema of competition, the need to triumph over someone disappears. One is also released from the fear that says, Maybe I will lose. And one becomes able to celebrate other people’s happiness with all one’s heart. One may become able to contribute actively to other people’s happiness. 

I've never been competitive since I was a kid so I don't have problems with any of these.  The reason why I think I have never developed any competitive bone in my body is because I have never excelled at anything. 😂  See, there's something good that could come from mediocrity. 🙊 😂

The same Adlerian principle also applies to arguments - such as when one is preoccupied with proving who is right or wrong.  When one says he is right, then it means the other party is wrong.  

In the book "The Courage to Be Disliked", Adlerian principles are presented via dialogue between a Japanese philosopher and a youth.  Here's how the philosopher explains the danger of proving yourself right and the other party wrong to the youth:

At that point, the focus of the discussion shifts from “the rightness of the assertions” to “the state of the interpersonal relationship.” In other words, the conviction that “I am right” leads to the assumption that “this person is wrong,” and finally it becomes a contest and you are thinking, I have to win. It’s a power struggle through and through...

In the first place, the rightness of one’s assertions has nothing to do with winning or losing. If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there. However, many people will rush into a power struggle and try to make others submit to them. And that is why they think of “admitting a mistake” as “admitting defeat.”

Such profound lessons. 🤔💡

Simply put, here are the key takeaways: 

• Everyone is walking equally in the same flat place. 
• The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet.
• It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction without competing with anyone.
• If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there.

How not to get frustrated when people who seek your advice don't listen or do otherwise

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

  Source

One topic tackled  on "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, a book on Adlerian psychology, is about having a clear delineation of tasks to free yourself from interpersonal friction or frustration if the other party doesn't end up doing what is expected.

The authors explain that "in general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks, or having one’s own tasks intruded on. Carrying out the separation of tasks is enough to change one’s interpersonal relationships dramatically."

There are several examples of task intrusions cited in the book including between parents and children (in the perspective of Adlerian psychology) but since I am not a parent, I'd rather not tackle those examples nor express any opinion coz I have zero knowledge and experience on that. 😶

But a more general and relatable example used in the book is in psychology counseling.   I guess for us commoners,  it's simply when people seek our help or advice.

In Adlerian psychology, the client’s changing or not changing is not considered the task of the counselor.  Once a person has received counseling, it is the person's task to decide to change his lifestyle (way of life) or not.  The counselor cannot intervene in this task.

A counselor's only task is to give all the assistance one possibly can. But beyond that, one doesn’t intrude. 

Intervening in other people’s tasks and taking on other people’s tasks turns one’s life into something heavy and full of hardship. If you are leading a life of worry and suffering—which stems from interpersonal relationships—learn the boundary of “From here on, that is not my task.” And discard other people’s tasks. That is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler.

Forcing change while ignoring the person’s intentions will only lead to an intense reaction.

Actually even if you don't force change on a person, it could be really frustrating and emotionally-consuming just to see him/her not help himself/herself especially when a person claims he/she wants to change but doesn't do something different to effect changes in his/her life.

Throughout the book, the authors always quote an old saying to emphasize the point that at the end of the day, only a person has the power to change himself/herself.  The proverb goes -
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” 

Nice lesson, right?  I have to remember the image of the horse so I don't find myself getting frustrated at times.  The horse has the sole power to decide whether he wants to drink or not.  And sometimes, it might take a long while before the horse realizes he is thirsty.  😅

Your past doesn't have any bearing in your present and future

My latest read is "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.   It tackles about the principles of Adlerian psychology developed by Alfred Adler (1870-1937). 
It's the first time I have formally read about Adlerian psychology though some of its principles are similar to the growth mindset which advocates that you can be whatever you want to be regardless of your skill set or background.

The core of Adlerian psychology goes against Freudian psychology which is anchored on causation. (Incidentally, Adler and Freud were colleagues until Adler disengaged from Freud's group around 1911.)

So what is the Adlerian psychology about?
In Adlerian psychology, your past doesn't matter.  Your past can't cause your success or failure.  Yes, your past experiences (trauma, abuse, horrible calamity, etc.) may have strong influences on you but you determine your own life according to the meaning you give to those past experiences. Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live. 

Which I believe is true coz otherwise, people who have had traumatic or difficult lives could never have better lives but there are a lot of amazing success stories of people who triumphed even with their troubled past.

I quickly googled and saw a list in Quora, most of them I didn't know had a difficult childhood: 
- Larry Ellison of Oracle who was given up for adoption by his mother and verbally abused by his adopted father
- Charlize Theron who had an alcoholic father and witnessed her mom kill her dad
- The Rock who resorted to theft coz his family was so poor
- Oprah Winfrey who was raped starting at age 9 by different family members
- Woody Harrelson whose father worked as a professional killer

They are just a few among many others.  All of them were able to make meaning out of a terrible past.

Here are my favorite excerpts from the book which further expounds that your past should not dictate your future:

In Adlerian psychology, how one sees the world and how one sees oneself is called lifestyle and it's  something that you choose for yourself.   Your first choice was probably unconscious, combined with external factors you have referred to—that is, race, nationality, culture, and home environment. These certainly had a significant influence on that choice... 

Of course, no one can choose his or her own birth. Being born in this country, in this era, and with these parents are things you did not choose. And all these things have a great deal of influence. You’ll probably face disappointment and start looking at other people and feeling, I wish I’d been born in their circumstances. But you can’t let it end there. The issue is not the past, but here, in the present...  But what you do with it from here on is your responsibility. Whether you go on choosing the lifestyle you’ve had up till now, or you choose a new lifestyle altogether, it’s entirely up to you...

In Adlerian psychology, “The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment... 

If you're unhappy now, Adlerian psychology says it's because you yourself chose to be unhappy and not because you were born under an unlucky star or you were born into unhappy circumstances or ended up in an unhappy situation. It’s that you judged “being unhappy” to be good for you.   Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage... 

And here's a very powerful statement from the book:

“No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.” That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.

Very insightful, right? 💡

There are several other great principles in the book which I'll try to share one lesson at a time in the coming days/weeks. :)

Life Lessons from 2,000 years ago by Marcus Aurelius

My recent read is "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius.  

Who's Marcus Aurelius? He was a Roman Emperor a long, long time ago -  from 161 to 180 AD.  He wrote private notes that contained his reflections on self-improvement and thoughts on Stoic philosophy.

While I was reading it, I couldn't believe that the notes were written centuries ago and that they were written by an emperor coz the wisdom and life lessons still apply today and they apply to ordinary mortals like us. 😊

Here are my favorite excerpts:

On the value of Time which we often take for granted: 

Think of your many years of procrastination; how the gods have repeatedly granted you further periods of grace, of which you have taken no advantage. It is time now to realize the nature of the universe to which you belong, and of that controlling Power whose offspring you are; and to understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then, to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again...

Live not as though there were a thousand years ahead of you. Fate is at your elbow; make yourself good while life and power are still yours.

Great perspective on life spans - the loss is equal no matter what age we die. 

Were you to live three thousand years, or even thirty thousand, remember that the sole life which a man can lose is that which he is living at the moment; and furthermore, that he can have no other life except the one he loses. This means that the longest life and the shortest amount to the same thing. For the passing minute is every man’s equal possession, but what has once gone by is not ours. Our loss, therefore, is limited to that one fleeting instant, since no one can lose what is already past, nor yet what is still to come – for how can he be deprived of what he does not possess?

... when the longest- and the shortest-lived of us come to die, their loss is precisely equal. For the sole thing of which any man can be deprived is the present; since this is all he owns, and nobody can lose what is not his.

On how so much time is wasted from unnecessary thoughts and topics:

Do not waste what remains of your life in speculating about your neighbours, unless with a view to some mutual benefit. To wonder what so-and-so is doing and why, or what he is saying, or thinking, or scheming – in a word, anything that distracts you from fidelity to the Ruler within you – means a loss of opportunity for some other task. See then that the flow of your thoughts is kept free from idle or random fancies, particularly those of an inquisitive or uncharitable nature.

On why we shouldn't please the world and only focus on whose opinion only matters:

...he knows that it is not the world’s opinions he should follow, but only those of men whose lives confessedly accord with Nature. As for others whose lives are not so ordered, he reminds himself constantly of the characters they exhibit daily and nightly at home and abroad, and of the sort of society they frequent; and the approval of such men, who do not even stand well in their own eyes, has no value for him.

On why we shouldn't be concerned on creating a life legacy: 

The man whose heart is palpitating for fame after death does not reflect that out of all those who remember him every one will himself soon be dead also, and in course of time the next generation after that, until in the end, after flaring and sinking by turns, the final spark of memory is quenched. Furthermore, even supposing that those who remember you were never to die at all, nor their memories to die either, yet what is that to you? Clearly, in your grave, nothing; and even in your lifetime, what is the good of praise – unless maybe to subserve some lesser design? Surely, then, you are making an inopportune rejection of what Nature has given you today, if all your mind is set on what men will say of you tomorrow.

On why we should be open to constructive feedback (sometimes we think the truth hurts but we'll be in an even worse situation if no gutsy person would tell us):

If anyone can show me, and prove to me, that I am wrong in thought or deed, I will gladly change. I seek the truth, which never yet hurt anybody. It is only persistence in self-delusion and ignorance which does harm.

Useful advice when we get too worried about the future at the expense of not being functional in the present: 

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present...

Never confuse yourself by visions of an entire lifetime at once. That is, do not let your thoughts range over the whole multitude and variety of the misfortunes that may befall you, but rather, as you encounter each one, ask yourself, ‘What is there unendurable, so insupportable, in this?’ You will find that you are ashamed to admit defeat. Again, remember that it is not the weight of the future or the past that is pressing upon you, but ever that of the present alone. Even this burden, too, can be lessened if you confine it strictly to its own limits, and are severe enough with your mind’s inability to bear such a trifle.

On keeping your character and values intact - no matter what:

Whatever the world may say or do, my part is to keep myself good; just as a gold piece, or an emerald, or a purple robe insists perpetually, ‘Whatever the world may say or do, my part is to remain an emerald and keep my colour true.’

On being accountable for both actions and inactions:

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. If the cause of the trouble lies in your own character, set about reforming your principles; who is there to hinder you? If it is the failure to take some apparently sound course of action that is vexing you, then why not take it, instead of fretting? ‘Because there is an insuperable obstacle in the way.’ In that case, do not worry; the responsibility for inaction is not yours. ‘But life is not worth living with this thing undone.’ Why then, bid life a good-humoured farewell; accepting the frustration gracefully, and dying like any other man whose actions have not been inhibited.

On why we should to embrace death gracefully (you'll also see Marcus Aurelius' humor in this excerpt. 😁)  

Despise not death; smile, rather, at its coming; it is among the things that Nature wills. Like youth and age, like growth and maturity, like the advent of teeth, beard, and grey hairs, like begetting, pregnancy, and childbirth, like every other natural process that life’s seasons bring us, so is our dissolution. Never, then, will a thinking man view death lightly, impatiently, or scornfully; he will wait for it as but one more of Nature’s processes. Even as you await the baby’s emergence from the womb of your wife, so await the hour when the little soul shall glide forth from its sheath. But if your heart would have comfort of a simpler sort, then there is no better solace in the face of death than to think on the nature of the surroundings you are leaving, and the characters you will no longer have to mix with. Not that you must find these offensive; rather, your duty is to care for them and bear with them mildly; yet never forget that you are parting from men of far other principles than your own. One thing, if any, might have held you back and bound you to life; the chance of fellowship with kindred minds. But when you contemplate the weariness of an existence in company so discordant, you cry, ‘Come quickly, Death, lest I too become forgetful of myself.’

On how to reflect and assess:
Always look at the whole of a thing. Find what it is that makes its impression on you, then open it up and dissect it into cause, matter, purpose, and the length of time before it must end.

Basic principles to live a good life:
If it is not the right thing to do, never do it; if it is not the truth, never say it. Keep your impulses in hand.

...avoid all actions that are haphazard or purposeless; and secondly, let every action aim solely at the common good.

...For a life that is sound and secure, cultivate a thorough insight into things and discover their essence, matter, and cause; put your whole heart into doing what is just, and speaking what is true; and for the rest, know the joy of life by piling good deed on good deed until no rift or cranny appears between them.

It didn't feel like they were written 2,000 years ago, right?  Beautiful timeless lessons. 😊

Using the Premortem Technique to Create Back-up Plans

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After each project, we usually have a postmortem.  We review the project in hindsight - after it happened.  But do you know what there's such a concept as premortem?  It's an exercise in hindsight in advance.  You envision what could go wrong, what will go wrong -  in advance, before you even start with the project.

I read this from "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday".   Premortem is a good exercise to anticipate possible scenarios so you can have backup plans.  

Holiday shares:

"Far too many ambitious undertakings fail for preventable reasons. Far too many people don’t have a backup plan because they refuse to consider that something might not go exactly as they wish". 

This concept of premortem though is nothing new. The origin is credited to the Stoics which they call premeditatio malorum (premeditation of evils). 

In one my past blogposts about Stoicism, this was referred to as retrospective negative visualization.   But the examples in that blogpost were mostly serious life situations like visualizing the loss of a loved one.

But for the purpose of this blog, we could use the premortem technique for simple projects, plans or goals.  Here's a simple framework you can use to start thinking about the possible negative scenarios of your projects and goals, and the corresponding possible solutions and back-up plans: 

What if ______?  Then I will  ______.

What if ______?  Instead I’ll just _______. 

What if _______? No problem, I can always ________.

And in case there is is nothing that can be done, Holiday says that the Stoic way is to manage expectations.  Because sometimes, he says, the only answer to "What if . . . " is, "It will suck but we’ll be okay".

The Obstacle is the Way - how can an obstacle be the way?

My recent read is entitled "The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. The big question is - how can an obstacle be the way? How can something that stands your way becomes the way, right?

This timeless lesson was articulated by Marcus Aurelius, (121-180 AD), a Stoic. He said "Our actions may be impeded . . . but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way".

In simpler words:

Setbacks and challenges are always expected and never permanent.

Whenever faced with an obstacle, we have a choice: Will we be blocked by it? Or will we advance through or over them?

But whatever we face, there is always a way out or another route to get to where we need to go.
Holiday points out some usual obstacles people encounter - too short, too old, too scared, too poor, too stressed, too far, inexperienced, uncertain, no access, no backers, no confidence... And though they are all different obstacles, Holiday concludes that the responses they elicit are the same. Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Helplessness. Depression. Anger.

What we need to learn is to how to see these obstacles as opportunities to to test ourselves, to try new things, to practice virtues like patience, courage, humility, resourcefulness, reason, justice, and creativity. It's not just about telling yourself "this is not so bad" but rather, asking yourself "how can I make this good?, "how can I improve?", "how can I turn a negative into a positive?".

The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.

In short, encountering an obstacle teaches you to carve a new path.

Marcus Aurelius breaks down how to overcome obstacles in 3 steps (all italicized text are excerpts from the book):

1. Perception / Objective Judgment

This is how we see and understand what occurs around us and what we decide those events will mean. We have to see things simply and straightforwardly, as they truly are—neither good nor bad.

You will come across obstacles in life fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. You will learn that this reaction determines how successful we will be in overcoming or possibly thriving because of them.

Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity. Where one loses control of emotions, another can remain calm. Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realize: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings. Or, choose not to.

Our perceptions are the thing that we’re in complete control of. Other people can label us, deprive us, but they’ll never control our thoughts, our beliefs, our reactions. Which is to say, we are never completely powerless.

The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this.

2. Action

Most of us may not have developed the discipline of #1 (Perception/Objective Judgement) yet, thus, Holiday recognizes the reality that we may take a minute to rant and vent that our situation sucks. But he cautions that if you do rant and vent, you shouldn't take too long. Because you have to get back to work. No excuses. No exceptions. No way around it: It’s on you.

Holiday says:

Oftentimes we know what our problems are. We may even know what to do about them. But we fear that taking action is too risky, that we don’t have the experience or that it’s not how we pictured it or because it’s too expensive, because it’s too soon, because we think something better might come along, because it might not work. And you know what happens as a result? Nothing. We do nothing. Tell yourself: The time for that has passed. The wind is rising. The bell’s been rung. Get started, get moving. We often assume that the world moves at our leisure. We delay when we should initiate. We jog when we should be running or, better yet, sprinting. And then we’re shocked shocked! when nothing big ever happens, when opportunities never show up, when new obstacles begin to pile up, or the enemies finally get their act together.

So the first step is: Take the bat off your shoulder and give it a swing. You’ve got to start, to go anywhere. Now let’s say you’ve already done that. Fantastic. You’re already ahead of most people. But let’s ask an honest question: Could you be doing more? You probably could there’s always more. At minimum, you could be trying harder. You might have gotten started, but your full effort isn’t in it and that shows. Is that going to affect your results? No question.

Just because the conditions aren’t exactly to your liking, or you don’t feel ready yet, doesn’t mean you get a pass. If you want momentum, you’ll have to create it yourself, right now, by getting up and getting started.
Holiday quotes Epictetus (55-135 AD), another Stoic: persist and resist. Persist in your efforts. Resist giving in to distraction, discouragement, or disorder.

I also totally agree with this practical advice from Holiday - this has always been my mindset that's why I don't have much drama in life:

Stop pretending that what you’re going through is somehow special or unfair. Whatever trouble you’re having no matter how difficult is not some unique misfortune picked out especially for you. It just is what it is.

This kind of myopia is what convinces us, to our own detriment, that we’re the center of the universe. When really, there is a world beyond our own personal experience filled with people who have dealt with worse. We’re not special or unique simply by virtue of being. We’re all, at varying points in our lives, the subject of random and often incomprehensible events.

You can always remember that a decade earlier, a century earlier, a millennium earlier, someone just like you stood right where you are and felt very similar things, struggling with the very same thoughts. They had no idea that you would exist, but you know that they did. And a century from now, someone will be in your exact same position, once more.

And here's another nice excerpt to get rid of pride and ego which is the root cause for taking setbacks personally even if sometimes, there's nothing personal about it:

Stop making it harder on yourself by thinking about I, I, I. Stop putting that dangerous I in front of events. I did this. I was so smart. I had that. I deserve better than this. No wonder you take losses personally, no wonder you feel so alone. You’ve inflated your own role and importance. 

3. The Will

Will is our internal power, which can never be affected by the outside world. It is our final trump card.

If action is what we do when we still have some agency over our situation, the will is what we depend on when agency has all but disappeared.

Too often people think that will is how bad we want something. In actuality, the will has a lot more to do with surrender than with strength. True will is quiet humility, resilience, and flexibility; the other kind of will is weakness disguised by bluster and ambition.

Will is fortitude and wisdom not just about specific obstacles but about life itself and where the obstacles we are facing fit within it. It gives us ultimate strength - the strength to endure, contextualize, and derive meaning from the obstacles we cannot simply overcome (which, as it happens, is the way of flipping the unflippable).

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Finally, here are 2 more valuable lessons I picked up from the book:

• Sometimes, we get so consumed with moving forward that we forget that there are other ways to get where we are heading. Moving forward is not the only way to progress or the only way to win. Sometimes, moving sideways or moving backward is the best way to eliminate what blocks or impedes your path. And this requires a certain humility - to accept that the way you originally wanted to do things is not possible.

• Each time (you encounter an obstacle), you’ll learn something. Each time, you’ll develop strength, wisdom, and perspective. Each time, a little more of the competition falls away. Until all that is left is you: the best version of you. 

Life is not short but long (Lessons from Seneca)

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Usually, when someone passes away especially when not yet of old age, people often realize and say that life is short.

My recent read debunks this statement.  The book is entitled "On the Shortness of Life:  Life is Long if You Know How to Use it" by Seneca.  After recently reading a book on Stoicism, it led me to this book. :)

So who's Seneca? Lucius Seneca is a Stoic philosopher who lived in 1 BC to 65 AD.  He was a tutor and later an advisor of Emperor Nero but he was accused of being involved in a conspiracy to assassinate Nero. Because of this, Nero ordered Seneca to kill himself (although a lot believed Seneca was innocent). Such sad story. 😢

But whatever really happened between him and Nero, I think Seneca's writings in "On the Shortness of Life" are one of the most beautiful and profound.   I totally could identify with them.   One of my mottos is life is never short if we live it well which I've repeatedly mentioned in past blog posts that's why when I found out about Seneca's essays, I just had to read them.

Below are my favorite excerpts.  Some of them are a bit long but hope you read them coz they are really insightful. :)

BTW, the content of "On the Shortness of Life" was not actually meant for a book but rather a letter addressed to Seneca's father-in-law, Paulinus, and it was written in 49 AD.

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It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested. But when it is wasted in heedless luxury and spent on no good activity, we are forced at last by death’s final constraint to realize that it has passed away before we knew it was passing. So it is: we are not given a short life but we make it short, and we are not ill-supplied but wasteful of it. Just as when ample and princely wealth falls to a bad owner it is squandered in a moment, but wealth however modest, if entrusted to a good custodian, increases with use, so our lifetime extends amply if you manage it properly.

Why do we complain about nature? She has acted kindly: life is long if you know how to use it. But one man is gripped by insatiable greed, another by a laborious dedication to useless tasks. One man is soaked in wine, another sluggish with idleness. One man is worn out by political ambition, which is always at the mercy of the judgment of others. Another through hope of profit is driven headlong over all lands and seas by the greed of trading. Some are tormented by a passion for army life, always intent on inflicting dangers on others or anxious about danger to themselves. Some are worn out by the self-imposed servitude of thankless attendance on the great. Many are occupied by either pursuing other people’s money or complaining about their own. Many pursue no fixed goal, but are tossed about in ever-changing designs by a fickleness which is shifting, inconstant and never satisfied with itself. Some have no aims at all for their life’s course, but death takes them unawares as they yawn languidly – so much so that I cannot doubt the truth of that oracular remark of the greatest of poets: ‘It is a small part of life we really live.’ Indeed, all the rest is not life but merely time.

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Look at those whose good fortune people gather to see: they are choked by their own blessings. How many find their riches a burden!

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People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time they are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy.

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You are living as if destined to live for ever; your own frailty never occurs to you; you don’t notice how much time has already passed, but squander it as though you had a full and overflowing supply – though all the while that very day which you are devoting to somebody or something may be your last. You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.

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You will hear many people saying: ‘When I am fifty I shall retire into leisure; when I am sixty I shall give up public duties.’ And what guarantee do you have of a longer life?

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No activity can be successfully pursued by an individual who is preoccupied – not rhetoric or liberal studies – since the mind when distracted absorbs nothing deeply, but rejects everything which is, so to speak, crammed into it.

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But learning how to live takes a whole life, and, which may surprise you more, it takes a whole life to learn how to die.

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Believe me, it is the sign of a great man, and one who is above human error, not to allow his time to be frittered away: he has the longest possible life simply because whatever time was available he devoted entirely to himself. None of it lay fallow and neglected, none of it under another’s control; for being an extremely thrifty guardian of his time he never found anything for which it was worth exchanging. So he had enough time; but those into whose lives the public have made great inroads inevitably have too little.

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‘When will vacation come?’ Everyone hustles his life along, and is troubled by a longing for the future and weariness of the present. But the man who spends all his time on his own needs, who organizes every day as though it were his last, neither longs for nor fears the next day. For what new pleasures can any hour now bring him? He has tried everything, and enjoyed everything to repletion. For the rest, Fortune can dispose as she likes: his life is now secure. Nothing can be taken from this life, and you can only add to it as if giving to a man who is already full and satisfied food which he does not want but can hold. So you must not think a man has lived long because he has white hair and wrinkles: he has not lived long, just existed long. For suppose you should think that a man had had a long voyage who had been caught in a raging storm as he left harbour, and carried hither and thither and driven round and round in a circle by the rage of opposing winds? He did not have a long voyage, just a long tossing about.

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Life is divided into three periods, past, present and future. Of these, the present is short, the future is doubtful, the past is certain.

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But when at last some illness has reminded them of their mortality, how terrified do they die, as if they were not just passing out of life but being dragged out of it. They exclaim that they were fools because they have not really lived, and that if only they can recover from this illness they will live in leisure. Then they reflect how pointlessly they acquired things they never would enjoy, and how all their toil has been in vain. But for those whose life is far removed from all business it must be amply long. None of it is frittered away, none of it scattered here and there, none of it committed to fortune, none of it lost through carelessness, none of it wasted on largesse, none of it superfluous: the whole of it, so to speak, is well invested. So, however short, it is fully sufficient, and therefore whenever his last day comes, the wise man will not hesitate to meet death with a firm step.

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Some men are preoccupied even in their leisure: in their country house, on their couch, in the midst of solitude, even when quite alone, they are their own worst company. You could not call theirs a life of leisure, but an idle preoccupation. Do you call that man leisured who arranges with anxious precision his Corinthian bronzes, the cost of which is inflated by the mania of a few collectors, and spends most of the day on rusty bits of metal? Who sits at a wrestling ring (for shame on us! We suffer from vices which are not even Roman), keenly following the bouts between boys? Who classifies his herds of pack-animals into pairs according to age and colour? Who pays for the maintenance of the latest athletes? . . .

. . . Theirs is not leisure but indolent occupation. And, good heavens, as for their banquets, I would not reckon on them as leisure times when I see how anxiously they arrange their silver, how carefully they gird up the tunics of their page-boys, how on tenterhooks they are to see how the cook has dealt with the boar, with what speed smooth-faced slaves rush around on their duties, with what skill birds are carved into appropriate portions, how carefully wretched little slaves wipe up the spittle of drunkards....

By these means they cultivate a reputation for elegance and good taste, and to such an extent do their failings follow them into all areas of their private lives that they cannot eat or drink without ostentation.

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.... spend their time on useless literary studies:


.... to know how many oarsmen Ulysses had, whether the Iliad or the Odyssey was written first, and whether too they were by the same author, and other questions of this kind, which if you keep them to yourself in no way enhance your private knowledge, and if you publish them make you appear more a bore than a scholar. But now the Romans too have been afflicted by the pointless enthusiasm for useless knowledge...

.... such knowledge will not do us any good, but it interests us because of the appeal of these pointless facts.

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Of all people only those are at leisure who make time for philosophy, only those are really alive. For they not only keep a good watch over their own lifetimes, but they annex every age to theirs. All the years that have passed before them are added to their own.

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We are in the habit of saying that it was not in our power to choose the parents who were allotted to us, that they were given to us by chance. But we can choose whose children we would like to be. There are households of the noblest intellects: choose the one into which you wish to be adopted, and you will inherit not only their name but their property too. Nor will this property need to be guarded meanly or grudgingly: the more it is shared out, the greater it will become.

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But life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. When they come to the end of it, the poor wretches realize too late that for all this time they have been preoccupied in doing nothing. And the fact that they sometimes invoke death is no proof that their lives seem long. Their own folly afflicts them with restless emotions which hurl themselves upon the very things they fear: they often long for death because they fear it. Nor is this a proof that they are living for a long time that the day often seems long to them, or that they complain that the hours pass slowly until the time fixed for dinner arrives. For as soon as their preoccupations fail them, they are restless with nothing to do, not knowing how to dispose of their leisure or make the time pass. And so they are anxious for something else to do, and all the intervening time is wearisome...

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....For certain ailments must be treated while the patient is unaware of them: knowing about their disease has caused the death of many.

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Now while the blood is hot you should make your way with vigour to better things. In this kind of life you will find much that is worth your study: the love and practice of the virtues, forgetfulness of the passions, the knowledge of how to live and die, and a life of deep tranquillity.

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Whatever is best for a human being lies outside human control: it can be neither given nor taken away. The world you see, nature’s greatest and most glorious creation, and the human mind which gazes and wonders at it, and is the most splendid part of it, these are our own everlasting possessions and will remain with us as long as we ourselves remain.

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The specific passage below I remember Seneca wrote when he was on exile. He didn't feel like a prisoner for the following reason -

From whatever point on the earth’s surface you look up to heaven the same distance lies between the realms of gods and men. Accordingly, provided my eyes are not withdrawn from that spectacle, of which they never tire; provided I may look upon the sun and the moon and gaze at the other planets; provided I may trace their risings and settings, their periods and the causes of their travelling faster or slower; provided I may behold all the stars that shine at night – some fixed, others not travelling far afield but circling within the same area; some suddenly shooting forth, and others dazzling the eye with scattered fire, as if they are falling, or gliding past with a long trail of blazing light; provided I can commune with these and, so far as humans may, associate with the divine, and provided I can keep my mind always directed upwards, striving for a vision of kindred things – what does it matter what ground I stand on?

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... earthly things stand in the way of genuine goods through a wayward belief in false goods. The longer people extend their colonnades, the higher they build their towers, the wider they stretch their walks, the deeper they dig their summer grottoes, the more massively they raise the roofs of their dining-halls, so much the more will there be to cut off the sight of heaven. Fate has cast you into a land where the most luxurious shelter is a hut. Truly you have a petty spirit which meanly comforts itself, if you put up with this bravely because you know about the hut of Romulus. Say rather ‘This humble shack gives shelter, I suppose, to the virtues. Soon it will be more elegant than any temple when justice is seen to be there, and temperance, wisdom, piety, a system for the right allotment of all duties, and the knowledge of man and god. No place is narrow which can hold this assembly of such great virtues; no exile is burdensome when you can have this company with you.’

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Why do you seek out so many things? To be sure, our ancestors were unhappy, whose virtue even now props up our vices, who procured their food with their own hands, who slept on the ground, whose dwellings did not yet glitter with gold nor their temples with precious stones – and so in those days they swore solemn oaths by gods of clay and, having invoked them, returned to the enemy to certain death rather than break their word.

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Often a very old man has no other proof of his long life than his age.

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You must set your hands to tasks which you can finish or at least hope to finish, and avoid those which get bigger as you proceed and do not cease where you had intended. We must be especially careful in choosing people, and deciding whether they are worth devoting a part of our lives to them, whether the sacrifice of our time makes a difference to them.

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So the next time you find yourself saying life is short, it's time to revisit Seneca's essays to remind us that life is long if we know how to use it. :)   

Timeless Lessons from Stoicism on fame, wealth, growing old, etc.

Stoicism was founded in the early 3rd century BC and flourished until 3rd century AD - a really long, long time ago.  But while reading ancient Stoic teachings in “A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy” by William B. Irvine, I was so amazed to realize that they are still relevant today.  And surprisingly,  I discovered too that I am Stoic in many ways.  :)

Below are my favorite excerpts from the book “A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy” featuring timeless pieces of advice from popular Stoics.  I specifically handpicked the lessons which reflect my ways and/or share a similar mindset.   Here you go  -

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How to react to insults

A humorous response to an insult is good since it shows that you don’t take the insulter seriously but refusing to respond to an insult is the most effective.  It makes it look as if you are indifferent to the existence of the insulter: Not only  don’t you take him seriously, but you don’t take him at all.  No one wants to be ignored and the insulter is likely to feel humiliated by your failure to respond to him—not with a counter-insult, not even with humor.  Seneca, points out, a nonresponse can be quite disconcerting to the insulter, who will wonder whether or not you understood his insult. Furthermore, you are robbing him of the pleasure of having upset you, and he is likely to be upset as a result.

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On Anger Avoidance

Marcus, recommends that we contemplate the impermanence of the world around us - that everything we have is on loan including our loved ones and that they could be taken from us anytime without any advance notice.  If we do this, he says, we will realize that many of the things we think are important in fact aren’t important, at least not in the grand scheme of things.

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On Fame

Fame, whether it involves world renown or merely the admiration of their neighbors, comes at a price. Stoics claim that the price of fame is sufficiently high that it far outweighs any benefits fame can confer on us.

Stoics value freedom and are therefore reluctant to do anything that will give others power over them. When you seek social status, you give other people power over you coz you have to do things calculated to make them admire you, and you have to refrain from doing things that will trigger their disfavor. Epictetus advises us not to seek social status since if you make it your goal to please others, you will no longer be free to please yourself.  You will, he says, have enslaved yourself.

Epictetus further advises if you wish to retain your freedom, you should be indifferent to what they think of you. Be as dismissive of their approval as you are of their disapproval. Epictetus says that when others praise you, the proper response is to laugh at them.

Another Stoic, Marcus, also offers some words of advice to those who value what many would take to be the ultimate form of fame: immortal fame. Such fame, Marcus says is “an empty, hollow thing.” After all, think about how foolish it is to want to be remembered after we die. For one thing, since you are dead, you will not be able to enjoy our fame. For another, we are foolish to think that future generations will praise you, without even having met you, when you find it so difficult to praise your contemporaries, even though you meet them routinely. Instead of thinking about future fame, Marcus says, you would do well to concern yourselves with your present situation; you should, he advises, “make the best of today.”

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On possessing wealth

Seneca reminds us how small our bodies are and poses this question: “Is it not madness and the wildest lunacy to desire so much when you can hold so little?”

Musonius agrees with this assessment. Possessing wealth, he observes, won’t enable us to live without sorrow and won’t console us in our old age. And although wealth can procure for us physical luxuries and various pleasures of the senses, it can never bring us contentment or banish our grief.

Along similar lines, Epictetus asserts that “it is better to die of hunger with distress and fear gone than to live upset in the midst of plenty.”  More generally, he argues that not needing wealth is more valuable than wealth itself is.

Most people use their wealth to finance a luxurious lifestyle, one that will win them the admiration of others. But such a lifestyle, the Stoics argued, is counterproductive if our goal is not to live well but to have a good life.  Consider, for example, the extravagant meals associated with luxurious living. Do those who eat such meals experience more pleasure than those whose diets are simple? Musonius doesn’t think so.

There is indeed a danger that if we are exposed to a luxurious lifestyle, we will lose our ability to take delight in simple things.  The author, Irvine, simply puts it this way - if at one time, we might have been able to savor a bowl of macaroni and cheese, accompanied by a glass of milk, but after living in luxury for a few months we might find that macaroni no longer appeals to our discriminating palate; we might start rejecting it in favor of fettuccine Alfredo, accompanied by a particular brand of bottled water.

When, as the result of being exposed to luxurious living, people become hard to please, a curious thing happens. Rather than mourning the loss of their ability to enjoy simple things, they take pride in their newly gained inability to enjoy anything but “the best.” The Stoics, however, would pity these individuals. They would point out that by undermining their ability to enjoy simple, easily obtainable things—bowls of macaroni and cheese, for example—these individuals have seriously impaired their ability to enjoy life.

Indeed, the Stoics value highly their ability to enjoy ordinary life—and indeed, their ability to find sources of delight even when living in primitive conditions.

Being able to enjoy simple, obtainable things is so me.  I think I'm an extreme case coz I could, for example, eat the same food every week (even every day) and funnily, still have the same excited reaction each time. And I'm not even referring to gourmet foods served in restaurants, but only regular dishes prepared at home.  😂

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On food, clothing and shelter

Musonius advises us that when we eat, we should choose food “not for pleasure but for nourishment, not to please our palate but to strengthen our body.”   He recommends us to follow the example set by Socrates: Rather than living to eat—rather than spending our life pursuing the pleasure to be derived from food—we should eat to live.

In the same way that we should favor a simple diet, Stoics also advise that we should favor simple clothing, housing, and furnishings. Musonius, for example, advises us to dress to protect our bodies, not to impress other people. Likewise, our housing should be functional: It should do little more than keep out extreme heat and cold, and shelter us from the sun and wind.

He reminds us that houses with courtyards, fancy color schemes, and gilded ceilings are hard to maintain. Furthermore, our simple house should be furnished simply. Its kitchen should be supplied with earthenware and iron vessels rather than those made of silver and gold; besides being cheaper, Musonius observes, such vessels are easier to cook with and less likely to be stolen.

Stoic philosophy “calls for plain living, but not for penance.” More generally, it is perfectly acceptable, says Seneca, for a Stoic to acquire wealth, as long as he does not harm others to obtain it. It is also acceptable for a Stoic to enjoy wealth, as long as he is careful not to cling to it. The idea is that it is possible to enjoy something and at the same time be indifferent to it.

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On raising kids

The Stoics, while doing their social duties, will not think in terms of sacrifice. For example, think about the duties involved in parenting. Parents do lots of things for their children, but Stoic parents—and good parents in general—don’t think of parenting as a burdensome task requiring endless sacrifice; instead, they think about how wonderful it is that they have children and can make a positive difference in the lives of these children.

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On experiencing misfortune

Stoics don’t think it is helpful for people to consider themselves victims of society—or victims of anything else, for that matter. If you consider yourself a victim, you are not going to have a good life; if, however, you refuse to think of yourself as a victim—if you refuse to let your inner self be conquered by your external circumstances—you are likely to have a good life, no matter what turn your external circumstances take.

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On growing old

When we were young, we might have wondered what it would be like to be old. If you are a Stoic, you might, in your practice of negative visualization, have imagined what it would be like. 

Unless death comes early, the day will come when one doesn't need to wonder or imagine what it would be like to be old coz one day, we'll experience it. The abilities we once took for granted will have departed. We used to run for miles; now we get winded walking down the hallway. We used to handle the finances of a corporation; now we can’t even balance our checkbook. We used to be the person who knew when everyone’s birthday was; now we can’t even remember our own.

The loss of these abilities means you can no longer fend for yourselves, and as a result you might find yourselves banished to a nursing home or dependent on the care of loved ones.  You might also find that despite having enjoyed a high degree of social status in your prime, you are now low man on the nursing home’s status totem pole.   Learning about the deaths of long-time friends, brothers and sisters, and perhaps even your own children is normal news.

Old age, Seneca argues, has its benefits: “Let us cherish and love old age; for it is full of pleasure if one knows how to use it.” Seneca claims that the most delightful time of life is “when it is on the downward slope, but has not yet reached the abrupt decline.” He adds that even the time of “abrupt decline” has pleasures of its own. Most significantly, as one loses the ability to experience certain pleasures, one loses the desire to experience them: “How comforting it is,” he says, “to have tired out one’s appetites, and to have done with them!”

It is entirely possible for an octogenarian to be more joyful than her twenty-year-old grandchild, particularly if the octogenarian, in part because of her failing health, takes nothing for granted, while the grandchild, in part because of her perfect health, takes everything for granted and has therefore decided that life is a bore.

*****

Could you believe that the lessons above were given more than 1,700 years ago?  Amazing, right? :)

Anyway, as final words of wisdom, let me leave you with the author's words:

There was a time when I would have understood why someone would want to own a Rolex watch; now such behavior puzzles me. I used to have less money than I knew what to do with; this is no longer the case, in large part because I want so few of the things that money can buy.   What brought about this state of affairs? The profound realization, thanks to the practice of Stoicism, that acquiring the things that those in my social circle typically crave and work hard to afford will, in the long run, make zero difference in how happy I am and will in no way contribute to my having a good life. 

Lessons from Stoicism: How not to take things for granted and how not to be attached to things

When I hear the word philosophy, I associate it with deep and serious thinking. In college, I remember I enjoyed Philosophy class but I've to admit that after the term was over, that was also the end of it. Either I knew so little about life then that I couldn't relate (that's why nothing stuck) or it was simply because I wasn't a deep thinker! Bwahaha... 😂

And since I associate Philosophy with deep and serious thinking, it's very seldom that I seek out philosophy-related books. Don't laugh at me, but the first ever philosophy book I remember buying on impulse in a bookstore was this  - 

All because of Piglet. Haha... 😂

Anyway, about a month ago, I read an article about this book on philosophy which describes it as an easy read. Easy - yay! Maybe my brain cells could process that. 😜  So I searched for the book - “A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy” by William B. Irvine and I’m glad I did because while I was reading it, I realized I am Stoic in so many ways.

But wait, before you judge me as emotion-less as a zombie (coz the dictionary defines stoic as a person who is calm, accepts whatever is happening, and almost without any emotion), let's put some context to the word Stoic (capital S). In ancient times, Stoics were cheerful and optimistic about life (even though they made it a point to spend time thinking about all the bad things that could happen to them) and they were fully capable of enjoying life’s pleasures (while at the same time being careful not to be enslaved by those pleasures).  So Stoics do have emotions contrary to the definition of "stoic" (small "s"). Whew... 😅

Stoics are individuals who enjoy whatever “good things” happen to be available. They see that there is nothing wrong with enjoying the good things life has to offer, as long as one is careful in the manner in which he/she enjoys them and that one must be ready to give up them up without regret if circumstances should change. Meaning, they don't get attached to things so they don't get too affected when the things they value are taken from them.

Stoics are also good at fighting the phenomenon called hedonic adaptation. What does hedonic adaptation mean? It's when we desire things e.g. material stuff like a handbag, status like career advancement, etc. Then once we're able to acquire or achieve that, we find ourselves desiring more extravagant things e.g. a more expensive handbag than the previous one, or a higher position title than the current one. (My phenomenon though is unique - it's reverse hedonic adaptation. Coz there are instances when after realizing there are good quality but more affordable alternatives to what I’m currently using, I downgrade. And ironically, I derive more joy from downgrading! Wahaha…. 😂)

Anyway, going back to hedonic adaptation, Stoicism points out that a key to happiness so you don’t succumb to hedonic adaptation is to forestall the adaptation process by taking steps to prevent ourselves from taking for granted, once we get them, the things we worked so hard to get. How? By learning to desire for the things we already have. In short, the easiest way for us to gain happiness is to learn how to want the things we already have.

This is so me because all the things that I have are the things that I want. Haha... If you ask me what my dream car, dream bag, dream watch are, I don't have any answer coz I'm already happy with what I currently have - even though they are not even luxury ones.  😂    In fact, there was a time when a Filipino billionaire asked me to name 3 material things I want to buy if money were no object (charity excluded) and I couldn't rattle off answers. A new place was the only item I was sure of. Whereas when I asked him what would be on his list, he knew what he wanted in full details. Since then, I knew why I'll never become a billionaire. 😂😂😂

Moving on and going back to Stoicism....

But what if you have a hard time desiring the things you already have? The Stoics have a technique called negative visualization. It's imagining that you have lost the things you value. How would we feel if we lost our material possessions, including our house, car, clothing....? (In my case, I don’t have to imagine coz once upon a time, we lost our house, car, clothing and other material things due to a natural calamity. Wahaha…. )

And how would we feel if we lost our abilities, including our ability to speak, hear, walk, breathe, and swallow… and how we would feel if we lost our freedom? By doing negative visualization, it would make us value and appreciate everything than we otherwise would.

Another method to is to have a mindset of impermanence - that everything we have is on loan and that it could be taken from us anytime without any advance notice. With loved ones for example, Stoics advise that we should periodically stop to reflect on the possibility that this enjoyment will come to an end. If nothing else, our own death will end it.

Epictetus, a well-know Stoic, once said that when we kiss our child, we have to remember that she is mortal and not something we own—that she has been given to us “for the present, not inseparably nor for ever.” His advice: In the very act of kissing the child, we should silently reflect on the possibility that she will die tomorrow. (Morbid thought but it does sound like the best way to give our best shot to our loved ones every time.)

 Epictetus also counsels that when we say good-bye to a friend, we should silently remind ourselves that this might be our final parting. If we do this, we will be less likely to take our friends for granted, and as a result, we will probably derive far more pleasure from friendships than we otherwise would.

Another Stoic, Seneca, once advised a friend to live each day as if it were his last. Seneca was also quoted saying “We should live as if this very moment were our last”. (Seneca lived in 4BC- AD 65 so I guess he was the original source of these beautiful pieces of life advice.)

Even with dealing with grief, Stoics have a special way to deal with it. Though they do grieve and feel sorrow too, they also take steps to prevent one’s self from experiencing “excessive” grief and overcome it.

Rather than spending one’s days thinking bitterly about the happiness one has been deprived of by the death of a loved one, Seneca says, we need to think about how much worse off we would be today if we had never been able to enjoy that loved one’s company. In other words, rather than mourning the end of a loved one’s life, we should be thankful that our loved one lived at all.

This is what might be called retrospective negative visualization. In normal, prospective negative visualization, we imagine losing something we currently possess; in retrospective negative visualization, we imagine never having had something that we have lost. By engaging in retrospective negative visualization, Seneca thinks, we can replace our feelings of regret at having lost something with feelings of thanks for once having had it.

Another way to practice negative visualization (especially among people who have a hard time imagining their own losses) is to think about the bad things that have happened to other people and reflect what if such things might have happened to them instead.

With all these contemplations of worst-case scenarios, one may conclude that Stoics are pessimists. Surprisingly, the regular practice of negative visualization has the effect of transforming Stoics into full-blown optimists.

How is that possible? To illustrate a Stoic’s optimism, this is what happens when you subject a Stoic to the half-full/half-empty glass test -

First, a Stoic would express his appreciation that his glass is half full rather than being completely empty, then he will go on to express his delights in even having a glass for it could, after all, have been broken or stolen.  He might go on to comment about what an astonishing thing glass vessels are - they are cheap and fairly durable, impart no taste to what we put in them, and - miracle of miracles - allow us to see what they contain.  This might sound a bit silly, but to someone who has not lost his capacity for joy, the world is a wonderful place. To such person, glasses are amazing; to everyone else, a glass is just a glass, and it is half empty to boot.

Beautiful, right?

More takeaways from the book next time. :)