My recent read is entitled "The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. The big question is - how can an obstacle be the way? How can something that stands your way becomes the way, right?
This timeless lesson was articulated by Marcus Aurelius, (121-180 AD), a Stoic. He said "Our actions may be impeded . . . but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way".
In simpler words:
Setbacks and challenges are always expected and never permanent.
Whenever faced with an obstacle, we have a choice: Will we be blocked by it? Or will we advance through or over them?
But whatever we face, there is always a way out or another route to get to where we need to go.
Holiday points out some usual obstacles people encounter - too short, too old, too scared, too poor, too stressed, too far, inexperienced, uncertain, no access, no backers, no confidence... And though they are all different obstacles, Holiday concludes that the responses they elicit are the same. Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Helplessness. Depression. Anger.
What we need to learn is to how to see these obstacles as opportunities to to test ourselves, to try new things, to practice virtues like patience, courage, humility, resourcefulness, reason, justice, and creativity. It's not just about telling yourself "this is not so bad" but rather, asking yourself "how can I make this good?, "how can I improve?", "how can I turn a negative into a positive?".
The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.
In short, encountering an obstacle teaches you to carve a new path.
Marcus Aurelius breaks down how to overcome obstacles in 3 steps (all italicized text are excerpts from the book):
1. Perception / Objective Judgment
This is how we see and understand what occurs around us and what we decide those events will mean. We have to see things simply and straightforwardly, as they truly are—neither good nor bad.
You will come across obstacles in life fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. You will learn that this reaction determines how successful we will be in overcoming or possibly thriving because of them.
Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity. Where one loses control of emotions, another can remain calm. Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realize: Nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings. Or, choose not to.
Our perceptions are the thing that we’re in complete control of. Other people can label us, deprive us, but they’ll never control our thoughts, our beliefs, our reactions. Which is to say, we are never completely powerless.
The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this.
2. Action
Most of us may not have developed the discipline of #1 (Perception/Objective Judgement) yet, thus, Holiday recognizes the reality that we may take a minute to rant and vent that our situation sucks. But he cautions that if you do rant and vent, you shouldn't take too long. Because you have to get back to work. No excuses. No exceptions. No way around it: It’s on you.
Holiday says:
Oftentimes we know what our problems are. We may even know what to do about them. But we fear that taking action is too risky, that we don’t have the experience or that it’s not how we pictured it or because it’s too expensive, because it’s too soon, because we think something better might come along, because it might not work. And you know what happens as a result? Nothing. We do nothing. Tell yourself: The time for that has passed. The wind is rising. The bell’s been rung. Get started, get moving. We often assume that the world moves at our leisure. We delay when we should initiate. We jog when we should be running or, better yet, sprinting. And then we’re shocked shocked! when nothing big ever happens, when opportunities never show up, when new obstacles begin to pile up, or the enemies finally get their act together.
So the first step is: Take the bat off your shoulder and give it a swing. You’ve got to start, to go anywhere. Now let’s say you’ve already done that. Fantastic. You’re already ahead of most people. But let’s ask an honest question: Could you be doing more? You probably could there’s always more. At minimum, you could be trying harder. You might have gotten started, but your full effort isn’t in it and that shows. Is that going to affect your results? No question.
Just because the conditions aren’t exactly to your liking, or you don’t feel ready yet, doesn’t mean you get a pass. If you want momentum, you’ll have to create it yourself, right now, by getting up and getting started.
Holiday quotes Epictetus (55-135 AD), another Stoic: persist and resist. Persist in your efforts. Resist giving in to distraction, discouragement, or disorder.
I also totally agree with this practical advice from Holiday - this has always been my mindset that's why I don't have much drama in life:
Stop pretending that what you’re going through is somehow special or unfair. Whatever trouble you’re having no matter how difficult is not some unique misfortune picked out especially for you. It just is what it is.
This kind of myopia is what convinces us, to our own detriment, that we’re the center of the universe. When really, there is a world beyond our own personal experience filled with people who have dealt with worse. We’re not special or unique simply by virtue of being. We’re all, at varying points in our lives, the subject of random and often incomprehensible events.
You can always remember that a decade earlier, a century earlier, a millennium earlier, someone just like you stood right where you are and felt very similar things, struggling with the very same thoughts. They had no idea that you would exist, but you know that they did. And a century from now, someone will be in your exact same position, once more.
And here's another nice excerpt to get rid of pride and ego which is the root cause for taking setbacks personally even if sometimes, there's nothing personal about it:
Stop making it harder on yourself by thinking about I, I, I. Stop putting that dangerous I in front of events. I did this. I was so smart. I had that. I deserve better than this. No wonder you take losses personally, no wonder you feel so alone. You’ve inflated your own role and importance.
3. The Will
Will is our internal power, which can never be affected by the outside world. It is our final trump card.
If action is what we do when we still have some agency over our situation, the will is what we depend on when agency has all but disappeared.
Too often people think that will is how bad we want something. In actuality, the will has a lot more to do with surrender than with strength. True will is quiet humility, resilience, and flexibility; the other kind of will is weakness disguised by bluster and ambition.
Will is fortitude and wisdom not just about specific obstacles but about life itself and where the obstacles we are facing fit within it. It gives us ultimate strength - the strength to endure, contextualize, and derive meaning from the obstacles we cannot simply overcome (which, as it happens, is the way of flipping the unflippable).
*****
Finally, here are 2 more valuable lessons I picked up from the book:
- Sometimes, we get so consumed with moving forward that we forget that there are other ways to get where we are heading. Moving forward is not the only way to progress or the only way to win. Sometimes, moving sideways or moving backward is the best way to eliminate what blocks or impedes your path. And this requires a certain humility - to accept that the way you originally wanted to do things is not possible.
- Each time (you encounter an obstacle), you’ll learn something. Each time, you’ll develop strength, wisdom, and perspective. Each time, a little more of the competition falls away. Until all that is left is you: the best version of you.
