Lessons from Stoicism: How not to take things for granted and how not to be attached to things

When I hear the word philosophy, I associate it with deep and serious thinking. In college, I remember I enjoyed Philosophy class but I've to admit that after the term was over, that was also the end of it. Either I knew so little about life then that I couldn't relate (that's why nothing stuck) or it was simply because I wasn't a deep thinker! Bwahaha... 😂

And since I associate Philosophy with deep and serious thinking, it's very seldom that I seek out philosophy-related books. Don't laugh at me, but the first ever philosophy book I remember buying on impulse in a bookstore was this  - 

All because of Piglet. Haha... 😂

Anyway, about a month ago, I read an article about this book on philosophy which describes it as an easy read. Easy - yay! Maybe my brain cells could process that. 😜  So I searched for the book - “A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy” by William B. Irvine and I’m glad I did because while I was reading it, I realized I am Stoic in so many ways.

But wait, before you judge me as emotion-less as a zombie (coz the dictionary defines stoic as a person who is calm, accepts whatever is happening, and almost without any emotion), let's put some context to the word Stoic (capital S). In ancient times, Stoics were cheerful and optimistic about life (even though they made it a point to spend time thinking about all the bad things that could happen to them) and they were fully capable of enjoying life’s pleasures (while at the same time being careful not to be enslaved by those pleasures).  So Stoics do have emotions contrary to the definition of "stoic" (small "s"). Whew... 😅

Stoics are individuals who enjoy whatever “good things” happen to be available. They see that there is nothing wrong with enjoying the good things life has to offer, as long as one is careful in the manner in which he/she enjoys them and that one must be ready to give up them up without regret if circumstances should change. Meaning, they don't get attached to things so they don't get too affected when the things they value are taken from them.

Stoics are also good at fighting the phenomenon called hedonic adaptation. What does hedonic adaptation mean? It's when we desire things e.g. material stuff like a handbag, status like career advancement, etc. Then once we're able to acquire or achieve that, we find ourselves desiring more extravagant things e.g. a more expensive handbag than the previous one, or a higher position title than the current one. (My phenomenon though is unique - it's reverse hedonic adaptation. Coz there are instances when after realizing there are good quality but more affordable alternatives to what I’m currently using, I downgrade. And ironically, I derive more joy from downgrading! Wahaha…. 😂)

Anyway, going back to hedonic adaptation, Stoicism points out that a key to happiness so you don’t succumb to hedonic adaptation is to forestall the adaptation process by taking steps to prevent ourselves from taking for granted, once we get them, the things we worked so hard to get. How? By learning to desire for the things we already have. In short, the easiest way for us to gain happiness is to learn how to want the things we already have.

This is so me because all the things that I have are the things that I want. Haha... If you ask me what my dream car, dream bag, dream watch are, I don't have any answer coz I'm already happy with what I currently have - even though they are not even luxury ones.  😂    In fact, there was a time when a Filipino billionaire asked me to name 3 material things I want to buy if money were no object (charity excluded) and I couldn't rattle off answers. A new place was the only item I was sure of. Whereas when I asked him what would be on his list, he knew what he wanted in full details. Since then, I knew why I'll never become a billionaire. 😂😂😂

Moving on and going back to Stoicism....

But what if you have a hard time desiring the things you already have? The Stoics have a technique called negative visualization. It's imagining that you have lost the things you value. How would we feel if we lost our material possessions, including our house, car, clothing....? (In my case, I don’t have to imagine coz once upon a time, we lost our house, car, clothing and other material things due to a natural calamity. Wahaha…. )

And how would we feel if we lost our abilities, including our ability to speak, hear, walk, breathe, and swallow… and how we would feel if we lost our freedom? By doing negative visualization, it would make us value and appreciate everything than we otherwise would.

Another method to is to have a mindset of impermanence - that everything we have is on loan and that it could be taken from us anytime without any advance notice. With loved ones for example, Stoics advise that we should periodically stop to reflect on the possibility that this enjoyment will come to an end. If nothing else, our own death will end it.

Epictetus, a well-know Stoic, once said that when we kiss our child, we have to remember that she is mortal and not something we own—that she has been given to us “for the present, not inseparably nor for ever.” His advice: In the very act of kissing the child, we should silently reflect on the possibility that she will die tomorrow. (Morbid thought but it does sound like the best way to give our best shot to our loved ones every time.)

 Epictetus also counsels that when we say good-bye to a friend, we should silently remind ourselves that this might be our final parting. If we do this, we will be less likely to take our friends for granted, and as a result, we will probably derive far more pleasure from friendships than we otherwise would.

Another Stoic, Seneca, once advised a friend to live each day as if it were his last. Seneca was also quoted saying “We should live as if this very moment were our last”. (Seneca lived in 4BC- AD 65 so I guess he was the original source of these beautiful pieces of life advice.)

Even with dealing with grief, Stoics have a special way to deal with it. Though they do grieve and feel sorrow too, they also take steps to prevent one’s self from experiencing “excessive” grief and overcome it.

Rather than spending one’s days thinking bitterly about the happiness one has been deprived of by the death of a loved one, Seneca says, we need to think about how much worse off we would be today if we had never been able to enjoy that loved one’s company. In other words, rather than mourning the end of a loved one’s life, we should be thankful that our loved one lived at all.

This is what might be called retrospective negative visualization. In normal, prospective negative visualization, we imagine losing something we currently possess; in retrospective negative visualization, we imagine never having had something that we have lost. By engaging in retrospective negative visualization, Seneca thinks, we can replace our feelings of regret at having lost something with feelings of thanks for once having had it.

Another way to practice negative visualization (especially among people who have a hard time imagining their own losses) is to think about the bad things that have happened to other people and reflect what if such things might have happened to them instead.

With all these contemplations of worst-case scenarios, one may conclude that Stoics are pessimists. Surprisingly, the regular practice of negative visualization has the effect of transforming Stoics into full-blown optimists.

How is that possible? To illustrate a Stoic’s optimism, this is what happens when you subject a Stoic to the half-full/half-empty glass test -

First, a Stoic would express his appreciation that his glass is half full rather than being completely empty, then he will go on to express his delights in even having a glass for it could, after all, have been broken or stolen.  He might go on to comment about what an astonishing thing glass vessels are - they are cheap and fairly durable, impart no taste to what we put in them, and - miracle of miracles - allow us to see what they contain.  This might sound a bit silly, but to someone who has not lost his capacity for joy, the world is a wonderful place. To such person, glasses are amazing; to everyone else, a glass is just a glass, and it is half empty to boot.

Beautiful, right?

More takeaways from the book next time. :)