How not to get frustrated when people who seek your advice don't listen or do otherwise

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

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One topic tackled  on "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, a book on Adlerian psychology, is about having a clear delineation of tasks to free yourself from interpersonal friction or frustration if the other party doesn't end up doing what is expected.

The authors explain that "in general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people’s tasks, or having one’s own tasks intruded on. Carrying out the separation of tasks is enough to change one’s interpersonal relationships dramatically."

There are several examples of task intrusions cited in the book including between parents and children (in the perspective of Adlerian psychology) but since I am not a parent, I'd rather not tackle those examples nor express any opinion coz I have zero knowledge and experience on that. 😶

But a more general and relatable example used in the book is in psychology counseling.   I guess for us commoners,  it's simply when people seek our help or advice.

In Adlerian psychology, the client’s changing or not changing is not considered the task of the counselor.  Once a person has received counseling, it is the person's task to decide to change his lifestyle (way of life) or not.  The counselor cannot intervene in this task.

A counselor's only task is to give all the assistance one possibly can. But beyond that, one doesn’t intrude. 

Intervening in other people’s tasks and taking on other people’s tasks turns one’s life into something heavy and full of hardship. If you are leading a life of worry and suffering—which stems from interpersonal relationships—learn the boundary of “From here on, that is not my task.” And discard other people’s tasks. That is the first step toward lightening the load and making life simpler.

Forcing change while ignoring the person’s intentions will only lead to an intense reaction.

Actually even if you don't force change on a person, it could be really frustrating and emotionally-consuming just to see him/her not help himself/herself especially when a person claims he/she wants to change but doesn't do something different to effect changes in his/her life.

Throughout the book, the authors always quote an old saying to emphasize the point that at the end of the day, only a person has the power to change himself/herself.  The proverb goes -
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” 

Nice lesson, right?  I have to remember the image of the horse so I don't find myself getting frustrated at times.  The horse has the sole power to decide whether he wants to drink or not.  And sometimes, it might take a long while before the horse realizes he is thirsty.  😅