It's the first time I have formally read about Adlerian psychology though some of its principles are similar to the growth mindset which advocates that you can be whatever you want to be regardless of your skill set or background.
The core of Adlerian psychology goes against Freudian psychology which is anchored on causation. (Incidentally, Adler and Freud were colleagues until Adler disengaged from Freud's group around 1911.)
So what is the Adlerian psychology about?
In Adlerian psychology, your past doesn't matter. Your past can't cause your success or failure. Yes, your past experiences (trauma, abuse, horrible calamity, etc.) may have strong influences on you but you determine your own life according to the meaning you give to those past experiences. Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.
Which I believe is true coz otherwise, people who have had traumatic or difficult lives could never have better lives but there are a lot of amazing success stories of people who triumphed even with their troubled past.
I quickly googled and saw a list in Quora, most of them I didn't know had a difficult childhood:
- Larry Ellison of Oracle who was given up for adoption by his mother and verbally abused by his adopted father
- Charlize Theron who had an alcoholic father and witnessed her mom kill her dad
- The Rock who resorted to theft coz his family was so poor
- Oprah Winfrey who was raped starting at age 9 by different family members
- Woody Harrelson whose father worked as a professional killer
They are just a few among many others. All of them were able to make meaning out of a terrible past.
Here are my favorite excerpts from the book which further expounds that your past should not dictate your future:
In Adlerian psychology, how one sees the world and how one sees oneself is called lifestyle and it's something that you choose for yourself. Your first choice was probably unconscious, combined with external factors you have referred to—that is, race, nationality, culture, and home environment. These certainly had a significant influence on that choice...
Of course, no one can choose his or her own birth. Being born in this country, in this era, and with these parents are things you did not choose. And all these things have a great deal of influence. You’ll probably face disappointment and start looking at other people and feeling, I wish I’d been born in their circumstances. But you can’t let it end there. The issue is not the past, but here, in the present... But what you do with it from here on is your responsibility. Whether you go on choosing the lifestyle you’ve had up till now, or you choose a new lifestyle altogether, it’s entirely up to you...
In Adlerian psychology, “The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment...
If you're unhappy now, Adlerian psychology says it's because you yourself chose to be unhappy and not because you were born under an unlucky star or you were born into unhappy circumstances or ended up in an unhappy situation. It’s that you judged “being unhappy” to be good for you. Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage...
And here's a very powerful statement from the book:
“No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.” That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.
Very insightful, right? 💡
There are several other great principles in the book which I'll try to share one lesson at a time in the coming days/weeks. :)
Very insightful, right? 💡
There are several other great principles in the book which I'll try to share one lesson at a time in the coming days/weeks. :)
