Usually when you say "superiority", it refers to a tendency or desire to be superior to other people. It also connotes being competitive. The authors likened it to the image of someone ascending a stairway and this someone is pushing people out of the way to get to the top.
Adlerian psychology does not uphold such attitudes. Rather, Alfred Adler advocated that on the same level playing field, there are people who are moving forward, and there are people who are moving forward behind them.
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| Everyone is walking equally in the same flat place. (Source) |
The book further explains -
Though the distance covered and the speed of walking differ, everyone is walking equally in the same flat place. The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet, not the mind-set of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people.
In short, life is not a competition with other people and there is no need to compare oneself with others. It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone.
A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self...
The danger with worldly competition (those preoccupied with winning and losing) is even if you’re not a loser, even if you’re someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself in competition, you will never have a moment’s peace. You don’t want to be a loser. And you always have to keep on winning if you don’t want to be a loser. You can’t trust other people. The reason so many people don’t really feel happy while they’re building up their success in the eyes of society is that they are living in competition....
The book further explains a downside of being competitive with others -
You think of interpersonal relationships as competition; you perceive other people’s happiness as “my defeat,” and that is why you can’t celebrate it. However, once one is released from the schema of competition, the need to triumph over someone disappears. One is also released from the fear that says, Maybe I will lose. And one becomes able to celebrate other people’s happiness with all one’s heart. One may become able to contribute actively to other people’s happiness.
I've never been competitive since I was a kid so I don't have problems with any of these. The reason why I think I have never developed any competitive bone in my body is because I have never excelled at anything. 😂 See, there's something good that could come from mediocrity. 🙊 😂
The same Adlerian principle also applies to arguments - such as when one is preoccupied with proving who is right or wrong. When one says he is right, then it means the other party is wrong.
In the book "The Courage to Be Disliked", Adlerian principles are presented via dialogue between a Japanese philosopher and a youth. Here's how the philosopher explains the danger of proving yourself right and the other party wrong to the youth:
At that point, the focus of the discussion shifts from “the rightness of the assertions” to “the state of the interpersonal relationship.” In other words, the conviction that “I am right” leads to the assumption that “this person is wrong,” and finally it becomes a contest and you are thinking, I have to win. It’s a power struggle through and through...
In the first place, the rightness of one’s assertions has nothing to do with winning or losing. If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there. However, many people will rush into a power struggle and try to make others submit to them. And that is why they think of “admitting a mistake” as “admitting defeat.”
Such profound lessons. 🤔💡
Such profound lessons. 🤔💡
Simply put, here are the key takeaways:
- Everyone is walking equally in the same flat place.
- The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet.
- It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction without competing with anyone.
- If you think you are right, regardless of what other people’s opinions might be, the matter should be closed then and there.
