 |
| Source |
Anyway, sometime last year, I heard one talk which mentioned that the elderly is one of the most marginalized groups in our society and that fewer people visit homes for the aged than orphanages. I guess people gravitate towards helping kids more than the elderly maybe because it's easier to interact with kids, the mood is lighter and activities are playful and fun. Versus when you think about the elderly, it evokes some kind of seriousness, nostalgia, and even some degree of sadness.
After realizing how marginalized the elderly are, I made a mental note to visit a home for the aged but unfortunately, I never got around doing it last year.
Last weekend, I was supposed to do other things but the idea of visiting a home for the aged just occurred to me out of the blue. I called up the home for the aged I was eyeing to visit last year and inquired what they needed. A friend and I got the supplies and headed there.
When we delivered the boxes of supplies to the kitchen, the nun exclaimed "Do you know you're an answered prayer?!". She explained to us that the day before, they didn't know where to get their food and pantry supplies so as usual, they just prayed to God and trusted He will answer them. And there we were bringing exactly what they needed. (But of course, if we didn't call to ask what was on their list, we would not have known what they needed! So if you want to be an answered prayer too, make sure to call the home you plan to visit to check in advance what they need. Haha...)
Anyway, during our visit, there was some outreach activity scheduled that morning so it looked like we wouldn't be able to interact with the elderly. :( But the nun told us we could tour the facility before we leave.
When we reached the second floor, we saw another nun who was with an elderly on a wheelchair (it seems that she opted not to join the outreach program). The nun said it was lola's (grandmother's) birthday - her 87th birthday if I remember right. To free up the nun, we said that we could take care of lola for a while.
Before we knew it, the morning outreach activity was finished and all the other lolos (grandfathers) and lolas (grandmothers) returned to their respective floors. We talked to more lolos and lolas and before we realized, it was lunch time already! We decided to stay on to assist feeding the lolos and lolas.... and we stayed on until the lolos and lolas were safely tuck in to their beds for their afternoon siesta. One thing just led to another. The nun who welcomed us in the morning was so surprised to see us still there after 4 hours. All the while she thought we have left! Haha...
Anyway, if you're planning to visit a home for the aged or nursing home, I've compiled some useful tips below:
- Ask for advice on how to best handle each person from the people taking care of them. They know the behavior of each individual - if they are in a good/bad mood, what gestures or words would make them smile or be obedient, what words or topics you should avoid bringing up, etc.
- Do gestures that show your respect such as making "mano" (bringing the back of their hand to touch your forehead). They also appreciate any sense of touch such as holding their hands, gently rubbing their arms or shoulders, or gently stroking their hair as you talk to them.
- When you talk to them, be sure you're at eye level. If they are on a wheelchair, kneel on the floor or pull a chair so you can talk to them at eye level.
- Don't ask about their birthday. Some of them get agitated and some get overly excited when they realize their birthday is coming soon. They might have a hard time sleeping for weeks in anticipation of their birthday.
- Don't be surprised if they ask you the same questions every 3 minutes coz some of them have Alzheimer's disease already. This isn't an exaggeration. A lola asked me the same set of questions (always in the same sequence) every 3 minutes. If you begin to notice that the conversation becomes repetitive or going around circles, most likely, you're talking to someone with Alzheimer's. Just go along and answer every question as if it's the first time it was asked - every time.
- Be patient. Some could be really grouchy no matter what you do to please them. But don't take it personally. You have to remember that they have emotionally gone through a lot - some have been abandoned by their family members and others no longer have any living relatives who could take care of them. In addition to the emotional burden, imagine the physical challenges - being weak and helpless, experiencing bodily pain and discomfort, having blurred vision, loss of hearing and limited mobility. Then there's also the threat to mental health such as losing one's memories to Alzheimer's and dementia. It's ok if you weren't able to make them smile or laugh even after giving your best effort. What matters is they know someone still cares about them.
- When feeding the elderly, slice their food into small pieces and mix everything with the rice. Be attentive if they chew on something hard. Just allow them to spit it out and cup it in your hand. And don't forget to wipe their mouth clean when food leaks. When assisting them to drink, make sure to tilt the cup slowly to control the flow of water into their mouth.
- Listen to them - it's probably the most simple gesture you could do to make them feel they are cared for. The elderly love to talk a lot - they could be anecdotes about World War II, stories about their proudest moments, or sometimes their complaints about life. Just let them initiate what they want to talk about and go along with that topic. As much as possible, don't ask personal questions as it might trigger sad or bad memories - unless it's the elderly himself/herself who initiates the topic.
- Respect their privacy. Strictly no photos and videos, and no publicly sharing of their private lives and identities.
- Plan your visit during off-peak season - away from Christmas season. From what I know, donations and visitors in charitable institutions spike from November to February (around Christmas season). So better if you could time your visits in between so hopefully, there would be a steady stream of volunteers and donations throughout the year.
- Contact the home for the aged to find out what they items they need. Sometimes, they have a surplus of certain items and they lack in some. So to be sure what you bring is useful, better to check with them beforehand. Some nursing homes are also open to voluntary services like feeding, bathing, walking the elderly, giving haircuts, etc.
The home for the aged we visited is called the San Lorenzo Ruiz Home for the Elderly operated by the Little Sisters of the Poor. Here are the contact details if you wish to visit, donate or do volunteer work:
50-B Lancaster Street
1300 Pasay City, Manila, Philippines
Phone: (632) 8329689 . (632) 8322915
When we said good-bye to the nuns, I asked one of them if she won't be having her afternoon siesta to which she joyfully replied, "No, I don't need to rest now because when I die, I will get eternal rest!" Haha... :)
Anyway, I wanted to end this blogpost with a beautiful quote I read from the book "Final Gifts". It's a quote from Dr. Cicely Saunders, founder of the modern hospice movement, of palliative care. She once said (addressed to the dying) - “You matter because you are you. You matter until the last moment of your life. We will do all we can not only to help you die peacefully but also to live until you die.”
Beautiful, right? Now if only we could, in our own little ways, help contribute to that - not only when we visit nursing homes but even in our chance encounters with the elderly. :)
