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While reading the book “Mindset” by Dr. Carol S. Dweck, a study was cited where students were praised in 2 different ways.
One group was praised for their ability. For example, a student got an 8. They were told – “Wow, you got 8. That’s a good score. You must be smart at this.”
The other group was praised for their effort. For example, a student got an 8. They were told – “Wow, you got 8. That’s a good score. You must have worked really hard.” Notice that these kids were not made to feel to have some kind of special talent versus the first group. Instead, for achieving success, they were praised for putting in hard work.
After giving out the praise, there were some marked changes in the attitude of students. Those who were praised for their ability began having manifestations of the fixed mindset. They didn’t want to take on difficult challenges (even if they could learn new things) and they refused any task that may put their special talent in question.
Meanwhile, those who were praised for their effort were open to challenges and in fact found enjoyment when solving difficult problems because it was a way for them to further learn.
There was also a marked difference in their performance. After giving out difficult challenges, the students were given easier challenges. But even if the challenges were already easier, the performance of those who were praised for their talent kept on declining. They were doing worse than when they started. While the performance of those praised for their effort kept on improving since they used their learning from the hard challenges to sharpen their skills.
Now, here’s an even more surprising finding (it’s shocking for me actually). After all the problem-solving, the students were asked to write their thoughts / describe the problems on paper – with the intention to share the problems to other students in different schools. On the same sheet, a space was also provided where students can write the scores they received. Guess what? Forty percent (40%) of the ability-praised students lied about their scores! Why? Because these students were labeled as talented/brilliant and under the fixed mindset, it is shameful if you don’t live up to your label, pushing them to lie about their scores. Sad, right?
Anyway, here are some common praises given to kids which were cited in the book. See how they impact on the kids’ mindset:
Praise: You learned that so quickly. You’re so smart!
What the child hears: If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart.
Praise: Look at that drawing… you’re the next Picasso!
What the child hears: I shouldn’t try drawing harder or they’ll see I’m no Picasso.
Praise: You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!
What the child hears: I’d better quit studying or they won’t think I am brilliant.
To put it simply, here’s how the author encapsulates it:
“So telling children they’re smart, in the end, made them feel dumber and act dumber, but claim they were smarter.”
Ironic, right?
I’m not married yet nor a parent but here’s the greatest takeaway for parents from the book:
If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing that they can do is teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.
After reading all of these, I am so glad that I was never labeled when I was a kid - simply because I didn’t have any special ability or talent! Haha… I don’t remember getting the common praises but what I clearly remember what my Dad always tells me is “Just keep on practicing. Practice makes perfect!”. Either my parents were ahead of their time or that’s simply what honest parents tell their kids who are not gifted. Bwahaha….
