In the ending scene, Ingrid Bergman was torn between staying behind the man she loves (Humphrey Bogart) and boarding the plane to leave for good with her husband, Victor. At the tarmac, this is what Bogart told Bergman -
“Inside we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If the plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon and for the rest of your life.”
In the book, Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert, it tries to explain that the line became memorable not because it was well-written or well-acted but because people could totally relate to it. At different points in our lives, it says, we have been in situations when we had to make consequential choices that are often shaped by how we imagine our future regrets.
What I found interesting in the topic was the result of some studies which cites “in the long run, people of every age and every walk of life seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did, which is why the most popular regrets include not going to college, not grasping profitable business opportunities and not spending enough time with family and friends”.
But why do people regret inactions more than actions? As explained in the book, it is because our psychological immune system has a more difficult time generating positive and credible views for inactions than of actions. For instance, as illustrated in the book, if one accepted a marriage proposal from someone who became a criminal, she would console herself by thinking of all the learnings she gained from the experience. Whereas when an inaction causes one to reject a marriage proposal from someone who later becomes a movie star, she can’t console herself with things she learned from the experience because there isn’t any. Interesting.
Funny that my motto has always been to keep on trying and doing things even if I fail because trying but failing for me is far better than having what ifs and regretting when it’s too late to try. Now I understand myself better – it’s my psychological immune system at work! Haha…
